You Can't Ever Assume

Last updated on 08/24/2010 at 09:02. (Posted originally by Merle Wexler in the March 2005 edition of the Whittier Express newsletter.)

When older adults tell us a story, we frequently assume it is part fantasy and part truth. One of my colleagues at the Somerford Home Office told me a story about her grandmother who is a resident at one of our Somerford House general assisted living residences. I will call the colleague ‘Sara’ and her grandmother ‘Millie’.

The story she told me is about a story Millie told her on a recent visit. Sara went over to have lunch with Millie. Millie was complaining about her short-term memory loss. Sara reassured her that it didn’t interfere with anything in her life, and told her not to worry about it.

“Oh yes, it has gotten me in a lot of trouble. My friend took me out to dinner at a nice restaurant. I said I’d never been here before, but he said ‘Oh yes, you have; this is the third time I’ve brought you here.’”

Sara asked, “Who is your friend?” Millie replied, “He’s an old friend I introduced to his second wife. You know, he flies to see his daughter every week, and he got tired of renting, so he went and bought an airplane.” By this time, Sara was thinking Millie was confused, and changed the topic.

This is almost the end of the story that Millie told Sara. Later that afternoon, Sara telephoned her Mother (Millie’s daughter-in-law) and said “I’m concerned about Millie. She told me this unbelievable, wild story.” After Sara repeated the conversation she had with Millie, her Mother said, “Oh no, it’s all true. In fact, he was voted Man of the Year in his community.”

Moral of the story, #1:

Don’t assume that someone with short-term memory loss is confused about everything or is confused all the time.

Moral of the story, #2:

Don’t make assumptions about what a 93-year old can do!

Note: I am recommending two books. One is What’s Age Got To Do With It? By Kelly Ferrin and the other is John Gould’s Tales From Rhapsody Home, written when he was 84 years young.

Merle Wexler
VP, Resident Services & Alzheimer’s Care